Media Testimony

As I sit to write, my mind is blank, I know He wants me to write, it has come to my mind several days in a row. I have prayed, “God, give me the words you want me to say. Help me remember this testimony.” …He is faithful.. Within minutes, memories & thoughts  are coming to mind. I will remember your works O God, all the days of my life & praise you for delivering me (Psalm 77:11-12,  Psalm 91:1-16). "I will bless the LORD at all times: His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad" (Psalm 34:1-2).

As I neared the delivery of my first child, I realized something had to change. I was stressed, had low self esteem, was constantly bickering with my husband and couldn’t hear God’s voice. Or so I thought ;) He is always with us, even when we make our bed in the depths (Psalm 139). 

At this point in my life, I was a serial scroller and streaming service addict. My attention was constantly being fragmented, in the middle of conversations, in all my down time, even during work, I would pick up my phone, scroll, check my messages, put it down, then maybe 10 seconds later do it again without even thinking. It was so bad. I didn’t realize it was ruling my life. Then I would find myself spending hours scrolling feeling unable to stop. At night, I felt like I had to watch a show to wind down. And  I could never just watch one though. It usually turned into a late night of sacrificing precious hours of sleep to watch some dumb show that was probably rotting my brian anyway! 

I knew something needed to change, I had tried in the past to delete apps off my phone, only to redownload them later. I told myself, “If I delete social media, how will I keep in touch with my friends?” At this point in my faith journey, I was not consistently reading the bible and when I was reading, I was not really praying. I was still very much doing my own thing and just distracted. I wasn’t willing at this point to lay down my life, my ways for God’s ways. He is so faithful though, and continued to meet me where I was at and make small changes in me.  

He worked first through my preparation for motherhood and my job at the time with a health and wellness company. I started to make positive health changes in my life and was made aware of the need for mental and emotional health changes. I remember learning about the negative effects of social media and started to feel convicted that maybe I need to really separate myself from it and, through the testimony of others, I was encouraged that I could live without it and not feel disconnected or like I was missing out. I started to pray about it at this point. I asked God to help me, and He did. One thing my husband encouraged me with was, “I haven’t had social media for a long time, and I actually talk to people more and have deeper conversations with them because I have to actually pick up the phone and call them. And the ones who I had close friendships with, we stay in touch.” 

This gave me so much peace because I realized how much I was taking into my own hands, something that God can do for us. I wanted community and to feel seen and loved so I did it my own way, and it didn’t work! God tells us to come to Him, spend our time with Him and he will shape the desires of our hearts. He will provide for all of our needs. When I removed this idol in my life and replaced it with positive habits, as well as quiet & still time, I could hear God’s voice, I started to feel confident in myself again. I remember a few times feeling sad and feeling like I ‘deleted” myself from all of my friend groups, but then God would remind me of the quality of those friend groups and encourage me that there was more in store and that my kids would be better off to have a mother who is present and models a life without addiction to media. 

Sin has a way of continuing to rear its head but the point is that we never give up. I deleted my social media accounts in 2022 but was still watching lots of TV. I also found myself in 2023 downloading Facebook for Marketplace but I’d sneak over to the videos page & scroll for “parenting ideas”, “organizing ideas”, to see what is going on in the news. I remember being upset that my husband would leave for work for long periods of time and I would binge watch shows when he wasn’t home after I put my son to sleep. I’d be exhausted the next day and then complain, even though it was my own fault! The funny thing is… I write this at 5 am now with ,my second child sleeping in her crib in the same room after a night of sickness & waking up at 4 am and I realize I didn’t know what tired even was back then! 

In 2025, God broke the chains of media addiction for me. Through books like Anxious Generation, Media Mania, and videos by Little Light Studios and Belt of Truth ministries, I began to see the truth about media addiction and God started giving me the strength to ask Him for help, and free me from those desires. Through these resources God showed me how the devil uses media to subtly influence our brain through subconscious messaging. For example, my favorite movie series growing up was Star Wars, and I found out was written by a gnostic with a flipped script. Darth Vader represents Jesus & Luke represents Lucifer (See Little Light Studios Video on Star Wars)!  How many other things were subtly changing my perspectives & creating worldly standards in my mind without me even realizing it?

God helped me to wake up and gave me strength to overcome. When I used to get tired and mentally exhausted I would default to numbing further, distracting myself from reality. Now, I turn to prayer & scripture and plead with God to humble me and show me my sin and make me more like Him. This is a really tough prayer because God shows you! He showed & continues to show  me my diet that makes me lazy & tired, He showed me my lack of time management, and much much more. But praise God, He doesn’t just show us our sin and say “ Good luck!” He gives us the option to ask for His strength, His guidance, His self-control, His character! 

 Praise God, I’m starting to learn what it’s like to not live life solely seeking out my own pleasure. I still fail sometimes, there is still work to do, but God has begun to answer my prayers and change the desires of my heart. He can do that for all of us. I simply began praying.. “God, I don't want this anymore, please give me your desires. Change my heart.” It didn’t happen overnight, but little by little he literally changed what sounded fun to me and what was relaxing to me to things that were more desirable to and beneficial to Him & His Kingdom. Praise God! May He continue to transform us to His glory!